"Dear Middle School Classes of '93-'95,
I hope you are all well! Now more than ever it is time to reconnect with our former fellow students, and reminisce about all the wonderful memories we shared together in the early 90s. Some of the wonderful things we got to experience include:
- annual measurement and marvel of Mr. H's ear and nose hair growth, one of the few truly old school 70 year old gym teachers who could still hack it with prepubescent 12-15 year olds! Remember how it seemed like his moustache grew out of his nose?
- we all developed body odor together! Some of us figured out how to use deodorant, some of us did not, but I hope most of us have now for this reunion, because hey, it could end up in a crowded, hot bar, and no one wants to remember the smell of gym clothes.
- speaking of gym clothes, if you can still wear your gym clothes, you are entitled to free drinks all night. Don't try to squeeze into them if you are grossly overweight or just way bigger than you were in middle school, no one wants to see muffin-top action.
- making ambrosia in home ec? That shit was delicious! Much respect to Mrs. D., she looked like she stepped out of "Leave it to Beaver" but homegirl was on point with her 50s curls. She probably got up at 5 a.m. every morning to maintain it - see the sacrifices teachers made for us??
- the gangly girl with the braces and bad hair? Remember her? Yeah, she's a model now... and a successful businesswoman. She remembers you, and if you were nice to her before she "got all hot." Hope you were nice, if you're a guy or girl. Rumor is, she plays for both teams.
- the field trips! How fun was it to go to Philadelphia! How fun was it to go the Air & Space Museum for the 10th time? Am I right or am I right?
These, and many more memories are available for strolls down memory lane. Let's make this reunion happen, it will be sweet sweet nice! We will have drink specials, but in keeping with our middle school roots and remembrance, we will have a somewhat unorthodox system of ordering drinks. You must tell a friend that you think the drink is cute, and the bartenders will try to determine from your friend's description what drink you want and who you are. If the drink feels the same way, congratulations! Enjoy your time together, and don't worry about what other people say about you two - you were made for each other.
Come on down, details will be forthcoming, we are shooting for a reunion at the Four Seasons, but we may have to settle for Del Taco. I hope that will not be a problem for anyone. Do you want to come:
____ YES ____ NO
P.S. To sweeten the pot, some of our former teachers, some of whom still work at the school, will be attending if at least 50 people sign up. Has it been your lifelong dream to grind on Mrs. Y, the hot Spanish teacher? She's still hot. We can make it happen."
I smell success.